In honour of the newly minted film based on the board game Battleship (Note: Why is this happening?), here are 10 fresh outlines for other movies based on games.
In reality, none of these are really more or less farfetched than a friggin' Battleship flick.
Pictionnary
Genre: A cheaply produced made-for-TV movie, fishing for a distributor
A clinically shy 'tween decides he is only going to "speak" from now on via drawings on pad and paper. A strange part of this decision is that he carries around an egg timer and assigns time limits to everything he draws. His WASP-y parents (Timothy Busfield and Judith Light ) show concern.
Asshole
Genre: A wacky buddy comedy
Within the halls of a faceless suburban industrial park, two lowly file clerks (Jack Black and Jason Segal) playfully assign themselves the titles of Asshole and Vice Asshole and plot to overthrow their company's President (Steve Martin) and Vice President (Dan Ackroyd). In a sudden and provocative plot twist, the Asshole becomes the Vice President, the Vice Asshole moves down to become the Asshole, the Vice President becomes the Vice Asshole and the President stays the President.
H.O.R.S.E.
Genre: An inspirational sports/action flick
Henry "Horse" Johnson (Terrence Howard) is a down-on-his-luck janitor in Washington DC. The one-time collegiate basketball star was thwarted by knee injuries and "the bottle" and yet through it all, he remains a talented long range shooter. He befriends a local "baller" (Lil' Romeo) heading to Syracuse to play college ball and teaches him about being a man, one swish at a time. The film features a number of ill-advised cameos from obscure NBA role players such as Del Curry, Jason Kapono and Hubert Davis.
Balderdash
Genre: A subtle dark comedy from the UK
A pathological liar (Steve Coogan) spends much of his day making up words, fooling friends and co-workers, and causing everyone to merrily wet themselves with laughter. His frustrated wife (Kelly Macdonald) wonders if her husband feels that LIFE is a game!!! A rival pathological liar from "the wrong side of the tracks" (Jim Jefferies) arrives in town to match wits with our lead, begging the age old question: can you trick a trickster?!?
Red Ass
Genre: A short film from an OCAD student
In this extremelly pretentious student film, a group of young men (metaphorically) throw a tennis ball against a wall, for fear of having the VERY SAME BALL hurled at their buttocks. One unfortunate soul is then subjected to a flogging. Nearby, a group of young girls talk amongst themselves. The film features no dialogue, a lot of interpretive dance and no props or sets. Shot entirely on a Flip camcorder.
Red Rover
Genre: A very suspenseful angst film
In the near future, US border guards are forbidden from using weapons, vehicles or barriers of any kind. In lieu, they are required to rely on sheer will and physicality to protect their border. A leathery Mexican drug lord (Danny Trejo) is shown wringing his hands in delight and aligns a mob of his most trusted mules to inundate Texas with a flood of cocaine and other savoury delights. Standing in his way is an ambitious lead guard (Channing Tatum) who aligns his forces in dramatic fashion—a human chain of hand-holding juicers. The Americans prepare to entrap (and hug) any of the heavies heading their way--a true Mexican standoff! The first mule makes a beeline for El Paso and breaks through the human chain. As part of an understanding, this forces the US to send one of its guards to go live in Mexico. This continues for a while until everybody gets bored and goes home.
Seven Up
Genre: A vapid "Rom Com" gears at suburban teenagers
A selection of self-involved, 20-something New Yorkers (Hilary Duff, Shia LeBeouf and others) experience love and lost in Manhattan. With gentle nods to the occult, wooing takes place via random taps to the skull, with the various characters speculating on who their potential mates are. The rest of the film features tweaked-out shots of the characters transfixed on their Twitter accounts, talking about their clothes, what restaurants they're about to visit and speculating about when Friday will arrive. Michael Keaton collects a pay cheque as “Dad”.
Duck Duck Goose
Genre: An animated Pixar extraveganza!
A lively cartoon that features a wacky assortment of talking ducks (voiced by John Lithgrow, Kristen Schaal, Chris Tucker and others) that adhere to various stereotypes (the hick, the gang banger, the spunky tom boy, the austere father). The fowl find themselves afflicted with a mysterious neurological disorder that turns them into geese. The only cure? Encircle other ducks and then run in opposing circles. Rinse and repeat. Much hilarity ensues. The effort is universally panned by critics and children alike.
Sorry!
Genre: A drug movie
In this art house bait, we are provided a glimpse into the minds of various strangers stuck on a New York commuter train (Chloë Sevigny, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Aubrey Plaza, David Cross, Crispen Glover and others). Much of the film takes place in dream sequences and features the strangers jumping over one another, going down slides, saying to one another, “Hey, sorry!”, etc. It's trippy. Heavily influenced by Gus Van Sant.
Jenga
Genre: A tedious dialogue-fuelled drama
Dallas 2012. Greedy land developers (Chris Cooper, Joan Allen, Jeff Daniels) plot to build the largest freestanding tower on Earth through a very strange construction technique that involves air lifting individual weather-sealed wood planks and piling them one atop of another in an adjacent fashion. A rival developer (Sam Rockwell), looking for a piece of the action, begins to contribute to the process through his own series of orchestrated air lifts. Will the building topple before the planet's stock of individual planks runs out? I dunno but the future of Dallas lies in the balance.
No comments:
Post a Comment