The popular late 20th century teen crime-drama detailed the comings and goings at Bayside High School, a fictitious institute in southern California that was populated by various archetypes of the day. The program was very hedonistic and at times, quite lurid. Some Bayside students experimented with drugs. Others were promiscuous. Blackmail was rampart. Loud rock music was everywhere. Students were very fashion forward, with a preference for bright t-shirts, acid washed denim and Zubaz. Nourishment… well, many Bayside students subsisted of low grade hamburgers and French fries. Leadership was a struggle, as principal Richard Belding often engaged in conflict with staff and students. His long running feud with Mr. Tuttle threatened to shake Bayside to its very core.
An aside: The notion of somebody “purchasing” Bayside was a story arch used more than once. I can only speak from my own high school experience but not once was there ever a threat of Thornlea Secondary School being purchased by seedy developers. In the unlikely event this happened, the decision would be made at the Board of Education level whereas at Bayside, it was up to Mr. Belding and a few students to thwart these advances. This was very unrealistic.
Anyway, the point to be made here is that Bayside was clearly an environment that bred violence. Much like the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) and to a lesser degree, Bumfights, the opportunity to review these battles from afar is actually a valuable exercise and a true study of the human condition. Analysis provided below.
Zack Morris versus AC Slater
This was maybe the most fierce and hotly contested rivalry in the history on Bayside. On the one hand, you had a cocky, WASP-y scam artist and on the other, a spry, vascular Latino upstart. Give Zacky Poo credit—he held his own with one of California’s finest high school wrestlers. “Preppy” and “Jerk” are both lucky they didn’t crack their skulls on the cement. I don’t remember the circumstances of Mr. Belding’s get-up but I seem to remember that once his wig came off, all was forgotten (could be wrong here).
Zack Morris versus Screech Powers
Good friends. Better enemies. This was a very tense moment as Screech called Zack on his womanizing ways and blatant disregard for Screech’s “dream” of bedding Lisa. I can see why Screech was upset with “this creep in a stunning wool blazer” but in fairness, Lisa expressed time and again that she wasn’t interested. In fact, she indirectly asked Screech to kill himself more than once. An underrated observation: Screech and Zack were actually a comparable height at this point so coupled with some “nerd rage”, this might’ve actually been a solid tilt if they came to blows.
A terrible, terrible piece of entertainment. For a guy famous for breaking the fourth wall, Zack takes things to an idiotic extreme by walking into an INVISIBLE fourth wall and mangling his ACL. The scene seems inprobable and rushed. Also, since when was Zack on the basketball team... or any team?!?
A perverse glimpse into the early days of mobile phones, as father and son chat on their brick phones as radiation leaches into their brain matter. Zack's old man looks a bit like a more handsome David Letterman and I enjoy how the YouTuber who posted this vid titles it "Derek Morris", as if to insinuite that this isn't really Zack's father. The term "Zack Morris phone" may have just been galvinized by this scene.
Mr. Belding versus Rod Belding
Another family fued and (sadly) the second mention of Rod Belding on The Reset Button blog. If you missed it, Rod was Mr. Belding's deadbeat brother and a young man with an appetite for extreme behaviour and "the ladies". Mr. Belding kicks Rod and his Canadian tuxedo out of his school (and assumedly, out of his life) in yet another example of a character who appeared in a single episode and was never, ever acknowledged again.
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