Trade Winds: Saved by the Bell vs Degrassi High vs Beverly Hills 90210

A tremendous new feature here at The Reset Button, let's discuss hypothetical scenarios where General Managers are installed into various properties and given the ability to trade assets between TV programs, films, bands, etc. Could happen.

General Managers

Saved by the Bell: Rod Belding

The mysterious brother of incompetent Bayside principal Mr. Belding, this super-casual, long-haired free spirit would work the phones with ease and try to dupe his fellow General Managers with surf lingo and slackjawed optimism. Please note that Rod Belding would require a stipulation in his contract that would allow him to take July and August off (so he can follow his dreams) and he would bookend each trade by exclaiming, "Let's not learn history--let's make history!!”

Degrassi High: Bronco Davis

For the soccer ball hat alone, Bronco is a great fit. His calm demeanour and thoughtfulness will serve him well in this role. Plus as the former president of the Degrassi High Student Council, leadership is clearly in his DNA.

Beverly Hills 90210: Dr. Mel Silver

This dentist to the stars will leave behind a lucrative practice to try his hand at... um, this. He is clearly booksmart but whispers within "the industry" suggest concern that the smooth talking Rod Belding will try to rook Dr. Mel on future trades and lure all the ladies of 90210 to the halls of Bayside, namely so he can bed them. As a result, Nat Bussichio will be kept on retainer as Special Assistant to the General Manager to provide Dr. Mel with sage wisdom, as needed. Nat will also serve him lunch every day.

  

The Trade

To Saved by the Bell: Brandon Walsh, Dylan McKay and Steve Sanders

To Degrassi High: Zack Morris, Albert Clifford "AC" Slater and Samuel "Screech" Powers

To Beverly Hills 90210: Joey Jerimiah, Derek "Wheels" Wheeler and Archie "Snake" Simpson

The Impact

Saved by the Bell

It's a bit of culture shock as the male core of 90210 are forced to endure the relatively lame hijinx of Bayside. Dylan is especially dour and storms out of The Max after local restaurant proprietor Max tries to cheer him up with some slight-of-hand magic tricks. Ultimately, Dylan falls for Jessica Spano and plies her with pills and alcohol, leading to a series of episodes that far exceed the gravity of her "I'm so excited/I'm so excited/I'm so... scared" breakdown. They enter rehab together. Interestingly, Steve assumes a role not unlike that played by Zack, always scheming and breaking the fourth wall. An intriguing romance with the elusive Penny Belding breaks off when the young lovers determine that their hair is too similar. Sadly, Brandon emerges as the smartest man at Bayside and ousts the lumpy Mr. Belding to become the youngest (ne: only other) principal in the school's history.

Degrassi High

Without question, Zack, Slater and Screech dominate Degrassi High and take the city of Toronto by storm. After a tense first day confrontation with Mr. Raditch, Zack soon enlists Arthur Kobalewsky and Yick "Mr Yu the Disorganized" Yu to do his bidding. Zack ultimately dates a series of Degrassi's finest flowers (Caitlin Ryan, Tessa Campanelli, Ms. Avery) before somehow earning a full scholarship to the University of Toronto even though his grades were shit and he was nothing but a thorn in Raditch's side (Note: Zack's off-the-charts SAT scores somehow played a role). Slater immediately takes a liking to Lucy Fernandez and the pair become joined at the hip, bonding over their shared Latin heritage. Slater's other major achievement is a spirited fist fight with the treacherous bully Dwayne Myers. Slater negates Dwayne's weight advantage with a serious of amateur wrestling manoeuvres. He ultimately slams Dwayne to the pavement, causing paralysis. Screech becomes something of a matinee idol, dating twins Heather and Erica Farrell simultaneously. Screech's cover is ultimately blown at a school dance, as Harem Scarem songs play in the background. Hilarity ensures as the twins collective douse Screech with equal portions of Cott soda.

Beverly Hills 90210

Joey, Wheels and Snake are completely thrown by the snooty faculty and student body of West Beverly High, and all three ultimately face some very serious challenges. Upon arrival, Joey becomes the shortest male student in the entire school and his pint-sized bravado is summarily ignored by Kelly Taylor et all. Only the dim-witted Donna Martin takes a liking to Joey, but purely in a plutonic fashion. Even David Silver scoffs at the notion of playing the Zit Remedy's demo tape on North America's most evolved high school radio station. Wheels is completely screwed and drops out of school after just a few months, focusing on fries and video games instead. To say that Wheels is jaded and upset would be an understatement. The next part of Wheels' story is too grim to discuss here. Let's just say it ends up on Hollywood Blvd and makes his encounter with the knee-squeezing pervert in Port Hope seem like a cakewalk. Snake actually fits in the best of the three. He finds success as a swingman on the basketball team and engages in a little May-September romance with the frumpy Andrea Zuckerman.