Reset: Seinfeld

What
The beloved "sitcom about nothing" is one of... wait a minute, can we discuss this for a sec? It always bothered me that Seinfeld will be known until the end of time as the sitcom about nothing. I think it became something of a self-perpetuating myth. Yes, some of the plots were a bit trite and granted, the nuances of the show were very unique when compared to something like Full House. But still--the show had plots, story archs, character development, etc. That is something. Not nothing. Anyway, it needs to be reset with modern day contemporaries.

Components
Jerry Seinfeld as Jerry Seinfeld
Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Elaine Benes
Michael Richards as Cosmo Kramer
Jason Alexander as George Costanza
Wayne Knight as Newman
Larry David as George Steinbrenner
Heidi Swedberg as Susan Biddle Ross
Estelle Harris as Estelle Costanza
Jerry Stiller as Frank Costanza
Liz Sheridan as Helen Seinfeld
Barney Martin as Morty Seinfeld
John O'Hurley as J. Peterman
Len Lesser as Uncle Leo
Patrick Warburton as David Puddy
Lee Bear as George Steinbrenner
Steve Hytner as Kenny Bania
Phil Morris as Jackie Chiles

Replacements Parts

Jerry Seinfeld => Adam Carolla as Adam Carolla
This is the role of a lifetime for "The Ace Man" .Physically, Carolla can do a passable Seinfeld impression, neither can really act and they're both very funny. Albeit in completely different ways. Will need to surround Carolla with a few familiar faces for comfort. Also, it will be necessary to adapt the name of the program to… wait for it... Carolla.
Also considered: Norm McDonald

Julia Louis-Dreyfus => Alanna Ubach as Elaine Benes
I'm not too familiar with this dame but I like the cut of her jib. I've heard her on Carolla's podcast a few times, she's kooky and sounds like she's got enough range to play the neurotic spinster that Elaine became. A hidden gem, perhaps. Good enough.

Michael Richards => John C. Reilly as Cosmo Kramer
Tall, goofy looking guy with curly hair who wouldn't look out of place falling over a couch.
Also considered: John Luguiziamo, Michael Keaton

Jason Alexander => Patton Oswalt as George Costanza
Oswalt will need to ratchet his energy level up several notches to pull this off. But I think this could be accomplished with some coaching and/or cocaine. Physically, it’s a total no brainer. He will be required to wear prop glasses.

Wayne Knight => Rob Couddry as Newman
Reliable funnyman Couddry will need to get a bit more smarmy, a bit more coy in this role. I have concerns that he’s too likable but when the alternative is a registered sex offender, lesser of two evils, I suppose.
Also considered: Jeffrey Jones

Larry David => Jim Florentine as Hank Steinbrenner
Carolla’s buddy from Crank Yankers finds work and puts his considerable vocal talents to the test. Oh, Boss George is actually dead so maybe we could swap in Hank as a ringer.
Also considered: Lewis Black

Heidi Swedberg => Bridget Fonda as Susan Biddle Ross
Susan was completely non-descript and essentially a Petri dish for George’s psychosis. So, the exceedingly bland stylings of the MIA Bridget Fonda work well here.
Also considered: Mira Sorvino

Estelle Harris => Bette Midler as Estelle Costanza
Jerry Stiller => Don Rickles as Frank Costanza
Producers will need to “bring the cheddar” to lure these two legends to the Carolla soundstage. But the three-way nuttiness between Oswalt, Midler and Rickles could be quite lovely.

Liz Sheridan => Blythe Danner as Kris Carolla
Barney Martin => Craig T. Nelson as "Pops" Carolla
I like this. Carolla doesn’t look anything like either of these two so it’s a bit of a stretch to imagine him having emerged from their loins. But there would be serious chemistry between Carolla and Nelson, over football, etc. Aging make-up may be required for the pair. 

John O'Hurley => Oliver Platt as J. Peterman
Is it just me or does Oliver Platt own… I mean, own every movie he appears in? Granted, I’ve only seen him in 2-3 roles. But doesn’t matter—the guy is very talented and could easily nail the part of a yappy catalogue tycoon. 

Len Lesser => Terry Bradshaw as Uncle Leo
Ugh. I’m not a fan of Bradshaw but it is my belief he could strike the right cadence when he delivers, “Helllooo, Adam” and whatnot. 

Patrick Warburton => Thomas Hayden Church as David Puddy
This is great. Both actors are lumbering and slightly Cro-Magnon. 

Steve Hytner => Hank Azaria as Kenny Bania
The versatile Azaria could play this role in his sleep. I have confidence in his abilities. Yes. 

Phil Morris => Isiah Whitlock Jr. as Jackie Chiles
Also considered: JB Smoove
He obviously won’t be able to say, “Sheeeeeeeett!!” on network TV. However, he could transpose his crooked state senator shtick from The Wire into a crooked lawyer shtick. Laughter will ensue.

Reset rating: 6/10
This is a bit of a mixed bag. I’m quite pleased with the four main characters and some of the other talent, namely Florentine, Fonda, Platt and Bania. Everybody else, I could probably be talked out of. It’s sacrilege to even suggest resetting something like Seinfeld. But as we say in the biz, “It’s a good start”.