"Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon" is dead

October 14, 2011 may very well go down as the date the music died for a generation of aging hipsters.

This was the date that the core twosome of beloved noise rock outfit Sonic Youth announced that the curtain was coming down on their 27 year marriage. The noisy, civic union shared by Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon is no more (Moore?) and the news administered a superkick to the faces of thousands of music fans worldwide.

Sure, a quarter century plus is a minor miracle for a couple that galvanized their marriage by jamming drumsticks into thrift store guitars and singing about Karen Carpenter's eating disorder. However, Sonic Youth managed to grow old gracefully and effectively became the Wilford Brimley of indie rock: oat-fed, wise and kinda, sorta reliably "there".

It's TBD whether Sonic Youth will remain an entity but I'm not sure it matters because a page is turned either way.

Upwards and onwards, the TMZ crowd is clamouring to see who Thurston and Kim will date next and much like David and Beth in "The Wait Out" episode of Seinfeld, there is no doubt a sea of cool guys and girls who would give up their 4-LP vinyl version of Daydream Nation to engage in a real life relationship with either of these two.

The Reset Button is here to help and has established some sophisticated criteria for what Thurston and Kim would potentially be looking for in a mate and some ballpark "scores" for potential mates based on this criteria. For the sake of simplicity, let's assume they'll both end up back with musicians and all musicians are single. Because neither assumption is true. That's OK.

Thurston's criteria
1- Feels cassette tapes were underrated as a format
2- Describes something as "avant-garde" at least once a day
3- Owns custom-fitted earplugs and minimum three (3) albums from the Nihilist Spasm Band
4- Not really into facial expressions
5- Claims to be a huge Rita Ackermann fan

Kim's criteria
1- Likes to dance ironically to Madonna's The Immaculate Collection
2- Enjoys going to fashion shows but would never admit that he enjoys going to fashion shows
3- Always felt Tina Weymouth was/is "kinda foxy"
4- Own a selection of very interesting corduroy trousers
5- His apartment smells like a musty bookstore and to a lesser degree, he smells like a musty bookstore

Thurston's matches
81% - Jennifer Herrema (ex -Royal Trux)
68% - Lydia Lunch (solo, ex-Teenage Jesus and the Jerks)
54% - Mary Lou Lord
53% - Yoshimi P-We (The Boredoms)
47% - Annie Clark (St Vincent)

Kim's matches
91% - Vincent Gallo
70% - Gerard Cosloy (ex-Dustdevils, Matador Records) 
66% - Michael Gira (Swans)
51% - Mick Harvey (ex-Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds)
32% - James Chance (James Chance and the Contortions)