Special Report: Toronto: War of the Wards

The concept is a MAJOR motion picture about the Toronto City Council circa 2011.

Working title => Toronto: War of the Wards

The movie would be a “dramedy” and feature plenty of mean spirited political humour, just a sprinkle of misogyny and a few key shots of the sun coming up over Nathan Phillips Square.  The ensemble cast would be divided between “The Insiders” (current Council members) and “The Outsiders” (various non-Council influencers). For the sake of continuity, there would be 10 of each.

In a pivotal scene, fake Rob Ford would engage in fisticuffs with an angry cluster from the Toronto Cyclists Union. The action cumulates with fake Rob hurling a 10 speed in their general direction, quipping, “Speak only when spoke-n, too.”

Riveting.

Another primary objective of the film would be to intertwine generations of Toronto civic leaders. This is largely a device to get fake Mel Lastman some screen time.

The Cast

The Insiders: Nobody REALLY knows what goes on inside of Toronto’s city council. …. Actually, yes they do--here is a full archive of meetings and minutes. Anyway, let’s not kid ourselves—the Council is a combative, combustible clash of egos and things always get blustery with mayor Rob Ford at the eye of the tornado. Best sit back, hold on tight and (try to) enjoy the ride.

1. Adam Vaughan => Adam Clayton (in a rare acting role)
2. Denzil Minnan-Wong => Fred Armisen
3. Doug Ford => Eric Stonestreet
4. Frances Nunziata => Joan Baez (I repeat, in a rare acting role)
5. Giorgio Mammoliti => Joe Rogan
6. Gord Perks => Gary Sinese
7. Karen Stintz => Maria Bello
8. Mary Fragedakis => Sofia Milos
9. Mike Layton => Topher Grace
10. Rob Ford => Philip Seymour Hoffman

The Outsiders:  A seasonal blend of chair people, critics and ex-heavyweights, each Outsider stirs the pot in his or her own unique way. And when they say “too many cooks spoil the broth”, picture one of these ne’er-do-wells in traditional kitchen whites.

1. Adam Giambrone => Wil Wheaton
2. Barbara Hall => Janis Ian (I repeat, in a rare acting role)
3. Bill Blair => Christopher Walken
4. Bob Kinnear => Stephen Baldwin
5. David Miller => John Slattery
6. George Smitherman => Larry Miller
7. Joe Pantalone => Tony Sirico
8. Mel Lastman => Billy Crystal
9. Paul Godfrey => Harvey Keitel
10. Stephen Ledrew => Stanley Tucci